Grieving mothers prepare for London Landmarks Half Marathon

When Gemma Heaver and Emma Zinn stand at the start line of the London Landmarks Half Marathon, they’ll be doing so with mixed emotions.

Both women have suffered the unimaginable pain of losing their babies and, while they’ll be grieving their loss as they take their first steps, they’ll also be feeling joy at raising money for the charity that has helped them through the most difficult of times.

Hampshire Hospitals Charity’s Forget Me Not Fund has been supporting both women as they come to terms with the devastating loss of a much longed for baby. The charity funds both one to one support and offers the opportunity to join groups with others experiencing the same loss, in an environment where they’re able to express their feelings without judgement.

Gemma Heaver training for the London Landmarks Half Marathon

Gemma Heaver will be running in memory of her son Oscar who died during childbirth. “The pregnancy had gone so well and we were excited to welcome our baby, a much wanted brother for our son George. I’d planned a home birth and it started well. For the first few hours, everything seems to be going as it should. Then something went wrong. We were told we had to go to hospital and, when I arrived, they told me Oscar hadn’t made it. I went numb. Giving birth to him was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do.

“It’s a bit of a blur but people at the hospital were really kind. They took Oscar’s hand and footprints and helped us make a memory box. They thought about everything we just couldn’t at that time.”

Following Oscar’s death, Gemma received counselling thanks to charity funding and joined the Flutterbyes community group where families who have received care from Hampshire Hospitals come together to meet informally for peer support and the opportunity to chat to other parents who have experienced the loss of a baby.

She added; “We’ve received such wonderful support ever since we lost Oscar from the hospital and Laura Mackie from the midwifery bereavement team has been with me every step of the way. When I fell pregnant again I was told the devastating news that there was nothing on my scan and I was told to prepare to miscarry. I came into hospital prepared for a procedure to be told that there was indeed a healthy baby there – in fact, there were two! While many people would be overjoyed at the news, I was terrified. I just couldn’t imagine that it would end well. I put off buying anything or preparing for their arrival. Laura remained by my side throughout, helping to liaise with the various people I needed to see so I didn’t have to tell our story over and over again. She never judged and made me rest when she could see me getting anxious towards the end.”

After the loss of her son, walking became a way for Gemma to cope with her grief and, one day, while out, she began to run as a release of energy. Running then became a focus for her and something she looked forward to as a way of having an hour or two to herself each day. When a place became available at the London Landmarks Half Marathon, she jumped at the chance to join the team raising funds for Hampshire Hospitals Charity to help raise funds to help other families cope with the grief of baby loss.

“It terrifies me to think about what people did before this support was available,” she added. “I really don’t think I’d be here without Laura’s support. She really has been my guardian angel. If I can do my little bit to pay them back and help others in my situation, I’m proud to do that in Oscar’s memory.”

Emma Zin in her charity t-shirt

Emma Zin will also be lacing up in support of Hampshire Hospitals Charity to help raise funds after the loss of her daughter River at just 19 weeks.

“We wanted to give our son a sibling and tried for a while before I became pregnant. I’d had no problems during the pregnancy and the 12 week scan went well. Five days after, we were called with the results of the blood tests that had been taken and were told that, while they couldn’t be certain, there was a high risk that the baby could have Edward’s syndrome, a genetic condition which can cause serious health conditions, and most babies with full Edwards’ syndrome die before or shortly after being born.

“I’m a very positive person though and, as the tests weren’t conclusive, we continued on with the pregnancy, convinced they had made a mistake.”

Following prenatal tests, the confirmation Emma had been hoping would never come was delivered. There was no doubt that the baby did indeed have Edward’s syndrome.

“It feels so unnatural to be having conversations about termination when a pregnancy is so longed for but I couldn’t bear the thought of our baby being in pain. Afterwards, I thought I’d just go home and be on my own, left to cope with the decision we’d made, but the charity’s Forget Me Not Fund and Laura were the hug that we hadn’t realised we needed.

“I needed to be a mum, but I was grieving and just didn’t know what to do. When all I wanted to do was scream, they scooped me up and called to tell me everything they could offer me to help. Without their support, I’d be in such a dark place. The counselling has been amazing and the care package, with stories and a candle, meant so much.”

Emma started running in lockdown and returned to the activity soon after surgery. “It’s my therapy,” she says. “Laura mentioned the London Landmarks team and asked if I’d like to join. I’m so incredibly grateful to them for their help and support and it feels so good to give back to them in this way.”

The hospital’s bereavement service was created five years ago to support those who experience the loss of a baby from 12 weeks into the pregnancy to 28 days after birth. Funds raised through Hampshire Hospitals Charity are used to support parents in a variety of ways to ensure parents do not feel isolated. These range from group sessions, holistic therapies and a football team for dads

Laura Mackie, who leads the team supporting parents, said she was overwhelmed to hear the comments from Gemma and Emma about the difference their support had made. “It’s so wonderful to hear from them that they felt supported throughout. We’ve worked hard to get all this support in place and seeing that this is what is needed and that we’re doing the right thing is wonderful. There’s still so much more to do though and I’ll be joining them on the London Landmarks Half Marathon to help raise further funds to support our work. Wish us luck!”

If you’d like to support the care given to bereaved parents you can do so by sponsoring one of the runners via the buttons below , or you can donate via Hampshire Hospitals Charity here.